Bad habits and addictions.....

Is it too presumptuous to think that we all have a bad habit and or an addiction of our own?

I have 1 of each that come straight to my mind. My addiction is Lindt chocolate, whether it be With a touch of Sea Salt (it really is amazing) or even just a simple Lindt Ball. Both are delicious and totally addictive. In fact if somebody could possibly deliver some now, I'd really be grateful!!

My bad habit can possibly go under the heading of addiction also but saying it's a bad habit means maybe I can kick it a bit easier? (see previous blog about denial) My bad habit is holding onto the past. It's really only 1 particular piece of the past and for quite a bit of time, I managed to not think about it too often. The problem I had, was others reminded me of this bit of the "past". For some reason they felt I needed to know the latest information about the "past". This subsequently ended by me cutting off this link to the "past".

Life moved on, things were going pretty well, I decided to make a major life change. Funny how this one life change can effect another area of your life. Yes, the "past" somehow ended up back in my present. The "past" had made 2 major life changes, the first being the reason why it was now the "past" and the 2nd being why it was now back in the present.

They say old habits die hard, well that was not true in this case. It would seem this old habit didn't die at all, it was just hiding waiting for the right moment to reappear. I guess I had the choice to let it back in or refuse it. I chose the 1st because it felt familiar and easy and I had always had trouble saying no to it. People that know me, would know that I can be a hard arse. I have no problem saying no to most things, I even manage to say it to Manolo (my dog) a couple of times a day. (Although he gets yes a lot more than he should, but that is a whole other blog) So to be unable to say no and mean it in this particular situation, is quite confusing. I know what the outcome will be from saying it, I know I will not be happy about it yet I say yes. Maybe in that sense, it is an addiction, I love the rush I get from saying yes but the feeling afterwards is always a mighty big low. Which in turn has me reaching for the first addiction being Lindt! I know the"past" would have no problem if I said no, cause life would just carry on perfectly in the present. The "past" seems to think that it can still tell you what you want to hear and that you will believe it. The "past" also forgets how well you can read them. I choose to let a lot slip as I know it's not true and I choose to store the information for a rainy day. Well I just checked the weather forecast, time to batten down the hatches as a shit storm is coming! The "past" will need more than an umbrella and raincoat to beat this rain. I gave some advice to the "past" a few weeks ago, we were having a chat about one of the life changes the "past" had made. I got the feeling, this change was being second guessed. I now realise that it was portrayed that way to get a reaction from me. Which at the time, even though I second guess it, I gave that reaction. This was an example of me being told what I probably wanted to hear. Only this time the "past" had it right, I DID actually want to hear that. The problem is, although I wanted to hear it, as soon as I heard it, I knew it wasn't true. I had to refrain from calling out this lie, as I would of had to then explain how I knew the truth. Things would have got messy and would probably have then gone back to being a permanent "past" again. This may not have been a completely bad thing because if it was again a "past" then maybe I could go back to living in the present. But like all bad addictions, the thought of going clean is tempting but the thought of 1 more rush is more enticing. Maybe this time it will be the 1 that changes everything?

The "past" and I aren't friends on FB or Twitter or anything, but I have considered more than once to send a link to my FB page for this blog. I figure as soon as it was read, the past would know it was about them and would then have to decide how to deal with it. I also considered not emailing the link as the past would know it was about them and would then decide how to deal with it! I know what the outcome would be, because the past for them is easy to erase as if it doesn't exist.

They say the past always catches up with you, well my "past" has but maybe it's time the past caught up with the "past"?

Now where are we on that delivery of Lindt?............

Internet, Denial and Snooping......

For those of you old enough to remember it, what was life like before the Internet? Now I'm not talking downloading music, movies and watching Porn for free. I'm talking about when you broke up with somebody and had to do drive bys of their house, so as you could come up with your own conclusions as to what they are doing now. Do people still do that? Or do they stalk the persons Facebook, Twitter etc to see where they may be and who they are with?

 

Sometimes not knowing things is better than knowing the truth. Or sometimes, knowing something but then actually seeing it for real (via Fb) can be a reality check harder than the one Lindsay Lohan gets after a stint in rehab/Jail.

 

Denial is a place I have always been happy to live in, at the end of the day I know that it actually happened but I'm a great person at just pretending it didn't. Move on, look strong. Unfortunately, I get the occasional urge to look somebody up on Fb (we've all done it). With all the changes lately to Fb, a lot of people don't realise that their pages are now completely open and that you can see everything. I love looking at photo's. Whether they are of people I know or not. I am a people watcher. No, not in a creepy way either! I like to observe people and see how although we are all humans, we all live different lives. This in turn has me looking up an ex (or 2), I am always interested to see who they ended up with and whether they had kids etc. If you still have friends in common then more than likely you know this stuff anyway. If one or both of you moved away, then it was a lot easier to lose track and not be in touch. Sometimes that is for the best, I mean you broke up for a reason. Other times, you broke up for no particular reasons, but it ended in a way that although you both moved on, it never actually quite closed that chapter. You stay in touch on and off over the years, but now with email, Fb, Twitter etc it is made so much easier to find people as well as keep in touch with them.

 

Which brings me back to the old thing that ignorance is bliss. Whilst you are friendly with this person, there are still certain things you don't discuss because as stated earlier you like to live in denial. So by not asking certain questions you can easily ignore the truth as it isn't quite a reality. That is until you happen across their Fb page and see the certain things that you kind of knew, but are now faced with acknowledging. It is very hard to just close the page and not look further. Temptation has always been a challenge for me. To the point where Xmas presents were disguised when wrapped so as I didn't try and work out what they were weeks before being able to open them. When it comes to big things, I have self control. I mean if I know it's illegal or something that will harm somebody then I have no problem saying no. Looking at somebody's photos etc on Fb that I'm not friends with, comes some where in the middle. Whilst it is not illegal, it does hurt somebody, that person being me. To hear something is hard, to see it in all it's glory in lots of photos, OUCH!! Yet, I still couldn't bring myself to close the page. I wanted to see more, glutton for punishment or just plain stupid? (no need to answer)

 

I love my Internet, I mean how a girl kept track of her future husband on the other side of the world in the days before Internet is beyond me. But sometimes, I realise that life was SO MUCH SIMPLER before Internet, or even text messages. Coming home after work to a message on your answering machine from the guy you were seeing was always a nice surprise. These days, we are in constant contact that we have come to expect them to always be in touch. Do we know too much or even share too much? If you wrote somebody a letter with all the things you post on FB, Twitter and Instagram do you really think they would care that you just had a slow drive to work or that you liked a strangers photos of food on Instagram? In a nutshell, you may well come across as some sort of nutter. Where as because there is now a platform where it is sociably acceptable to write all this, we do it! We not only do it, but we read others also.

 

There was no real point to this blog, which is why it has gone off on a tangent or two. Writing a blog about how much we share on the Internet has not lost it's irony on me either. This was more so a diary entry that I needed to get out but not actually discuss with anybody (see previous comment about denial) It's funny how writing something down for strangers to read, is easier than telling an actual family member or friend. I am the queen though, of writing just enough to show how I feel or what I'm thinking without giving the actual story away. I may write on a public forum, but I still like my privacy. There may well be a sequel to this blog, but for now, it is what it is. An observation with a few personal experiences thrown in......

Clooney....

As rumours circulate (once again) that George Clooney is going to be single yet again, I started thinking about when my love (ok obsession) with Mr George Timothy Clooney began. To be honest, I don't remember a time when I didn't have some sort of a crush on him.

 

When i was a young teenager, one of my favourite tv shows was The Facts of Life. It was basically a show about 4 girls at boarding school. Somewhere in the later seasons, a young guy playing the part of a carpenter appeared. This was my first glimpse of the gorgeous (albeit mulleted) George Clooney.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I realise he is sporting the most hideous of shirts as well as that hair style. But once he grinned that cheeky grin and those dark brown eyes squinted the first time, I was gone!

Of course this was way before Internet etc so getting information on this man was not so easy. All I knew was, he was the good looking guy from that show.

 

 

Before I knew it, he popped up on another show I liked and that was Roseanne. Once again it was still the 80's but as George has proved over the years, he was improving with age.

 

 

The mullet was slowly going and at least he dressed a bit better!

 

Of course, George's "breakout" role was as Dr. Doug Ross on ER. This where "my George" was bought to the attention of a lot of women.

 

 

Can a doctor see me now..........

 

 

Yes I felt this needed 2 photos!

 

The Caesar cut was a long way from the previous 80's mullets and the sexy grey hairs had started appearing. If I wasn't smitten before, I was totally in love with him now. It wasn't just a looks thing though, this man had a cheeky smile and was fast getting a reputation as a bit of a jokester on set. Nobody ever had bad things to say about working with him on set, which was refreshing in a time when there were people like Val Kilmer and Nicholas Cage who weren't as nice. (You may want to google those 2 actors, as they aren't exactly pumping out the movies now)

 

 

George went on to make some great (and not so great movies) following ER.

 

He played a bad guy with an amazing neck tattoo in From Dusk til Dawn

 

 

 

 

He made a sexy batman in a not so great movie Batman & Robin

 

 

Those eyes under the mask and the voice....swoon!

 

 

He made out with Jennifer Lopez in the boot of a car in Out of Sight to being a member of a 3 piece chain gang on the run in O Brother, Where Art Thou?

 











 

Dirty, yet still sexy!! Not to mention hilarious in this movie.

 

In 2001 a movie came out that I was itching to see, it was none other than Ocean's 11. From the moment George walked onto the screen I don't think a word was uttered from my mouth. Clooney looking suave in a suit but being a cheeky bad guy at the same time. I was in heaven! Apparently a couple of other "heart throbs' were in the movie also, but can't say I took much notice.

 

 

I'd rob a bank with this man....

 

 

This is the 1 and only convicted felon I'd marry.

 

I drew the line at only posting 2 photos from the Ocean's franchise, otherwise had I kept going you probably would have used all your GB's allowed for the month just opening this page!

 

Now George went on to make some amazing movies, he both acted as well as directed and produced some fantastic movies. He has even been nominated for several Oscars and other awards. Not to mention he won quite a few also, including an Academy award for Syriana. Seeing him up there on the stage accepting awards, is always nice. As he is always so humble and down to earth and not above poking fun at himself. As i mentioned earlier, George has a reputation for being a prankster and has a great sense of humour as seen in quite a few of his movies. This was shown in a movie that came out early this year called The Descendants. George showed both his comedic side as well as his dramatic side, playing a dad to 2 girls, was also great to watch. This movie really showed George's acting capabilities.

 

 

 

Oh, and he played an older surfer type which sealed the deal for me!

 

I'm not going to lie, my initial attraction to George was his looks, but over the years he has shown to be an amazing human being. He was the person responsible for organising the Hope for Haiti Now telethon that raised millions of dollars for the victims of the Haiti earthquake in 2010. If you google George Clooney Charity's you will see the list of amazing things he has done over the years. Most of the time, he does it under the radar, trying not to attract attention to him but to the plight of the organisation/people needing the help. He even recently auctioned off his prized 2008 Tesla “Signature 100” Roadster which only had 1700 miles on it.

This man is not only gorgeous, funny and a great actor, he is extremely kind and thinks of others.

Really, what more could you want in a man? Yes, he has stated on more than one occasion that he is not interested in getting married again or having kids, this is something I'm willing to look past. After all he does love animals and I just know Manolo and I could be very happy living in Italy with him and his pets.

 

 

He also once owned a pot belly pig but it passed a way a few years ago.

 

So as you can see, my love for George is for both his mind AND his body. George Clooney is an all round nice guy, who needs to dump the younger ladies who no doubt think they can change his mind and get a ring on it. Give me a call George, I am more than willing to just follow you around the world, or stay at home in your villa in Italy and cook dinner for you. My number is 0424.....