Friday, 26 October 2012

Bad habits and addictions.....

Is it too presumptuous to think that we all have a bad habit and or an addiction of our own?

I have 1 of each that come straight to my mind. My addiction is Lindt chocolate, whether it be With a touch of Sea Salt (it really is amazing) or even just a simple Lindt Ball. Both are delicious and totally addictive. In fact if somebody could possibly deliver some now, I'd really be grateful!!

My bad habit can possibly go under the heading of addiction also but saying it's a bad habit means maybe I can kick it a bit easier? (see previous blog about denial) My bad habit is holding onto the past. It's really only 1 particular piece of the past and for quite a bit of time, I managed to not think about it too often. The problem I had, was others reminded me of this bit of the "past". For some reason they felt I needed to know the latest information about the "past". This subsequently ended by me cutting off this link to the "past".

Life moved on, things were going pretty well, I decided to make a major life change. Funny how this one life change can effect another area of your life. Yes, the "past" somehow ended up back in my present. The "past" had made 2 major life changes, the first being the reason why it was now the "past" and the 2nd being why it was now back in the present.

They say old habits die hard, well that was not true in this case. It would seem this old habit didn't die at all, it was just hiding waiting for the right moment to reappear. I guess I had the choice to let it back in or refuse it. I chose the 1st because it felt familiar and easy and I had always had trouble saying no to it. People that know me, would know that I can be a hard arse. I have no problem saying no to most things, I even manage to say it to Manolo (my dog) a couple of times a day. (Although he gets yes a lot more than he should, but that is a whole other blog) So to be unable to say no and mean it in this particular situation, is quite confusing. I know what the outcome will be from saying it, I know I will not be happy about it yet I say yes. Maybe in that sense, it is an addiction, I love the rush I get from saying yes but the feeling afterwards is always a mighty big low. Which in turn has me reaching for the first addiction being Lindt! I know the"past" would have no problem if I said no, cause life would just carry on perfectly in the present. The "past" seems to think that it can still tell you what you want to hear and that you will believe it. The "past" also forgets how well you can read them. I choose to let a lot slip as I know it's not true and I choose to store the information for a rainy day. Well I just checked the weather forecast, time to batten down the hatches as a shit storm is coming! The "past" will need more than an umbrella and raincoat to beat this rain. I gave some advice to the "past" a few weeks ago, we were having a chat about one of the life changes the "past" had made. I got the feeling, this change was being second guessed. I now realise that it was portrayed that way to get a reaction from me. Which at the time, even though I second guess it, I gave that reaction. This was an example of me being told what I probably wanted to hear. Only this time the "past" had it right, I DID actually want to hear that. The problem is, although I wanted to hear it, as soon as I heard it, I knew it wasn't true. I had to refrain from calling out this lie, as I would of had to then explain how I knew the truth. Things would have got messy and would probably have then gone back to being a permanent "past" again. This may not have been a completely bad thing because if it was again a "past" then maybe I could go back to living in the present. But like all bad addictions, the thought of going clean is tempting but the thought of 1 more rush is more enticing. Maybe this time it will be the 1 that changes everything?

The "past" and I aren't friends on FB or Twitter or anything, but I have considered more than once to send a link to my FB page for this blog. I figure as soon as it was read, the past would know it was about them and would then have to decide how to deal with it. I also considered not emailing the link as the past would know it was about them and would then decide how to deal with it! I know what the outcome would be, because the past for them is easy to erase as if it doesn't exist.

They say the past always catches up with you, well my "past" has but maybe it's time the past caught up with the "past"?

Now where are we on that delivery of Lindt?............

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