An open letter to Ryan Gosling fans.

Ladies (and men) gather around for today is the day your heart was broken. I too had my heart broken recently and whilst it wasn't Gosling, it was by the man that had held the most eligible bachelor title for many years. His name is Clooney, George Clooney.

I awoke on a Sunday morning, April 27th to be exact at approx 6.30am and did what I normally do when first waking up, I reached for my phone and checked twitter. Clooney doesn't use social media yet my feed was filled with his name. My heart stopped for a second I thought something bad had happened, I then scrolled down and read some tweets. OMG the worst has happened! CLOONEY IS ENGAGED!!

For years he was rumoured to have been engaged to one girl or another while at the same time a quote he'd given years ago about never wanting to marry again would be brought up. To clarify that quote was given just months after his first divorce and I think most people would say the same after being recently divorced.

Now I love me some entertainment gossip and even the scandals but I'm not naive enough to believe it until there's some sort of confirmation. So this particular rumour wasn't about to become real in my mind until I'd delved a little further. Well this of course meant googling George Clooney. I opened google and I only had to type "Ge" and it auto filled the rest. Apparently I had googled him once or twice before. Anyway low and behold there was story after story of how it happened, where it happened etc etc etc. By now I had two choices, go to a town I like to call denial or deal with it. Surprisingly, I took the second option. I needed to know more about the lady that was wearing the ring I was supposed to have. The more I read about her, the more I loved Clooney. This man was not marrying a Hollywood hottie, that relied on her looks or would have ridden on his coat tails. This woman is smart, beautiful and by no means needs a celebrity husband to further her career. In fact this woman will make the perfect wife for when Clooney steps into the world of politics. Which I think will eventually happen.

Getting back to how all this relates to today's proceedings with Gosling, you have two ways to look at it. The first being, damn he's fathered a child with somebody else or what a man he is, he's never had the reputation of playing up or sleeping around. He's kept his private life pretty much that and even now is still keeping it to himself even though the cat's out of the bag. In Hollywood where a lot of actors would sell their firstborn just to get on the front page, this says a lot about him and also his partner Eva Mendes. Would you be more heartbroken if you found out he was a sneaky lying cheat that had been playing up for years on her? I know I'd rather keep the fantasy alive thinking Clooney was a good guy rather than a player like a lot of others supposedly are. And while this is no consolation to the fact that he is well and truly off the market, it is a small consolation to know that good guy you lust after is actually a good guy.

None of this will help the pain, anger and disappointment you're feeling right now but do know that each day it gets a bit easier and you will start to come to terms with it. If ever there was a time to turn off your google alerts about him, this would be it. Also maybe think about updating your celebrity pass card. There's bound to be some up and coming young man that will eventually fill the spot now vacated by Gosling.

If for now you're not quite ready to leave Mr Gosling behind, then grab a blanket, lots of chocolate and a drink of your choice and join me on the couch as we have the inaugural meeting of the women Clooney and Gosling left behind. Followed by a viewing of The Ides of March where we can all swoon over our men (by swoon, of course I mean sob).

 

It's not in your head

These 5 words I've waited over 10 years to hear. I already knew them, I just needed it confirmed.

Today was that day.

I asked the question and was given the answer I simultaneously wanted but didn't want to hear. That photo above is the actual message I received. I have taken a screen shot that I may even print out as a reminder that

A: Always trust your instincts.

B: Don't let anybody ever do it to you again

You see years ago I met a guy. We seemed to hit it off straight away, however he was wanting only one thing and I was wanting more. So we parted ways.

A few months down the track he came knocking on my door late at night, slightly drunk. I didn't turn him away because I didn't want him back behind the wheel and so he stayed the night. Sure enough old habits kicked in and we were back to where we were months earlier.

Jump forward a year or so and we are still in that place only I had fallen hard for him. We would see each other twice a week. I'd sometimes cook dinner and he'd stay the night. I tried to turn off my feelings for him but I just couldn't. Somewhere in amongst it all we started to genuinely get close. He had his knee done, so I played nurse a little for him. He then had to move from his house so I went over to help him lift heavy stuff into his car. It then moved fast, we got together officially and he moved in.

Like all couples we had our ups and downs but we usually got past the downs pretty fast. the problem was in the back of my mind I had a niggling feeling. For some reason I could never fully trust him. I can't remember the exact moment I started to question him but I know it grew over time. I became that person that checked his phone. I even found messages from other girls but never said anything because I felt guilty that I was snooping. I was also made to feel guilty because I didn't trust him. Why didn't I call him on it? Because losing him would hurt more than the cheating.

One night he went out with a mate and left his phone at home. I don't know if it was deliberate so I couldn't contact him or whether it was an accident but either way I took the opportunity to read the messages. Sure enough there was a message from a girl that came thru after he left, so he hadn't responded. I considered answering it and asking who she was but once again didn't. Another night he was in bed asleep and his phone buzzed, so I checked it in case it was something important. Once again it was a girl, she was explaining that she couldn't see him Wednesday night because she had swimming so maybe they could catch up another time. I went back to bed and didn't sleep much that night. These sorts of things went on for the rest of our "relationship". The ultimate was him going away on holiday with his mate, yes I know that in itself was an alarm bell. He arrived back after 2 weeks away, late because he had supposedly had a flat tyre at the airport. He walked thru the door and there was something about the look on his face that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Again I said nothing as he seemed genuinely happy to see me.

Fast forward a little bit and it was time for all the Xmas breakups. Being a tradie he had a few to go to over the week or so, so I was the dutiful girlfriend that dropped him off and picked him up. After 1 particular party we were driving home, he was extremely drunk but still awake. We were just chatting about nothing in particular and his phone went off. Being it was so late I asked who it was, of course he said it was one of the guys from the party. I took his word and we drove home where he fell into bed and that was it. The following day we were out somewhere and he went in to pay for petrol, I remembered about his phone from the night before and decided to check it. Yep sure enough, he had been calling a chick in the late hours before I had picked him up. I finally called him on it and he said they, yes "they" had called him. Which then led to a whole 'Well who are they?". Turns out it was girls he had met on that holiday but they were "just friends".

The more I write this the more I am now hating myself as I realise that whilst he was doing the wrong thing, I was the stupid idiot allowing it.

Eventually we broke up and he moved on very fast. I was gutted for a long time and put all the blame on myself. We were friends for a little while after that, but then things went badly and all ties were cut. I was left with unanswered questions and an extremely low self esteem.

I met a girl thru work a little while after this and sure enough she knew him, it was never discussed how well she knew him because I didn't want to hear and I think maybe she realised that she had been with a guy that was not single.

So basically yes I knew he had done the dirty but I was in denial for years afterwards and never quite got over him or the situation.

Fast forward a few years and I accidently stumbled across him on good old Facebook. I couldn't decide whether to message him or not, of course I did though. We caught up in real life and have been friends ever since.

Anybody that knows me, knows I like honesty. Whether that be me being brutally honest and possibly over the line to wanting the other person to be honest with me. So in saying that, we were chatting via iMessage earlier when we had managed to steer the conversation around to some pretty personal and heavy stuff. I took this opportunity to ask him if I could ask him the 2 questions I'd wanted to for many years and if I asked would he be honest with me? He agreed to answer and be honest. I stewed over which question to ask first and decided it was going to be why do you cheat? It was the easier question of the 2. I must have typed it 6 times and deleted instead of sending it. It was very confronting just seeing it written there. Eventually I just typed and sent it without stopping. I hadn't actually asked in relation to me, I just ask in general. He answered and I followed with another question that basically confirmed he'd done it to me to which I responded something about it not just being in my head? And that's where the above iMessage appeared.

There it was confirmed, "it's not in your head". I stared at my iPad and the tears started streaming. Why had something that deep down I'd always known, hurt me after all these years? I don't know. My reaction surprised myself as I would normally be the type to throw the closest item or scream but instead I just sat down and cried. I cried most of the night. I'm crying now as I write this. I may well cry tomorrow. But I have an answer finally. Will we continue on to be friends? I hope so. Will I forgive him? Never. Can I move on? Eventually. But for now I will cry and I will push the thoughts out of my head and try not to totally blame myself.

I do have the second question to ask, the one I thought would be the harder to ask but for now I don't need or want anymore truths revealed in the near future......

 

The right words.

Sometimes you can't find the right words, but fortunately somebody else has....

 

I could share hundreds of these, but these three spoke the most......